True Happiness Starts Within

Happiness is nothing but a state of mind, which is free from suffering. Start thinking beyond “I”, “Me” and “Mine” and stop internalising the pain that you feel due to external objects, people and circumstances. Unless you can objectify suffering and pain and try to understand the root cause, you will be caught in the cycle of suffering.  

True happiness is your natural state of being. So stop searching for it outside. Start looking within! For more such insights, stay tuned!  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Art of Being Happy, Buddha's Guide to Modern Living from Jaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery to Sri Lanka. This intriguing talk series brings timeless Buddhist wisdom to help you navigate life's challenges through simple practical insights. Each episode offers gentle guidance for finding peace and joy in everyday moments. Join us on this journey toward lasting happiness and inner peace. Brought to you by Sanatana, the voice eternal.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

When someone's in pain and you watch that, or you have to watch that, don't you feel that pain? We sometimes internalize that pain, don't we? We cringe in pain, don't we? Like say someone's hurt or someone's fallen from a height, right? And they're whinging in pain. How do you respond to that? Ugh have you ever never caught yourself doing that? Uh what's that connection? Do you see that invisible connection? They're in pain. Why are you? Why are you in pain? See, this is the mystery we need to figure out. Until we figure out this mystery, you can't stop yourself from suffering. There may be some among you who faint at the sight of blood. Maybe there are some among you who find it extremely painful to watch someone in pain. Now, there are certain websites out there, and they record video clips. For the love of God, I hope you never have to go on a site like that. This is what the world has come to. From time to time, I need to make you aware of what's out there. There are certain sites out there, it is where people go out to vent their vengeance. Don't ask me to name, I won't. There are young children here. They shouldn't have to find themselves on places like that on the internet. So they'll take they'll make video clips of how people hurt others. Perhaps they'll stab them, shoot them, rape them. I can see some of you are gobsmacked. You're thinking, what? On this god's earth, people do things like that? Oh yeah. For vengeance. Revenge. While the other person, the victim, is in excruciating pain, they're crying for their life. Sometimes they're cut off limbs. There are sites out there like that. Some countries they filter them out. You can't get through the firewalls. But in other places, you know, media, rights, freedom of speech, freedom of information, everything's out there. Just because people have the freedom doesn't mean everything should be accessible, in my humble opinion. But this is out there. So you might feel your tummy roil at the sight of something like that. This is because when you see pain, you experience that pain. How does that work? What is the science behind it? How do you internalize external pain? See, once you begin to understand this, you will learn how to be free from the pains that you experience in your body itself. Remember one day I promised you I can't stop you from growing old. But what I can help you do is when old age takes over, ladies and gentlemen, and your body begins to be unkind to you and ungrateful to you for all the bearing up with it that you've done all throughout your life. If you understand the Dhamma that I'm trying to impart on you, you will be free from those pains. You will still experience the pain, but you will not internalize it. In other words, you will not feel that it is you who is in pain. You will just be able to look at the pain objectively. And this is not some weird psychology. It is through realization. I promise you it is possible. I promise you. You know, after all, Buddhist philosophy, the Dhamma, is to help us free ourselves from suffering. That's what it is for. I can't stop the inevitable happening in your lives. And of course, you know, there's no age at which things can happen. You know, there are children in the house today, you know, as young as maybe 10, 12, 13, and there are those who are elderly, perhaps, you know, 70s, 80s. Who's to say who goes first? Who's to say who gets bedridden first? You can't say that. But as long as your mind is strong enough, as long as your mind has understood the Dhamma, you will be able to look at things objectively. A pain as just a pain. Do you think beauty is in this flower? You see this Anthurium flowers here? Yeah. Is you know, you'd look at it and go, wow, that's that's very pretty. It's very beautiful. Are you sure beauty is in the flower? In fact, if I asked you, who among you thinks that this is a lovely flower arrangement? Now you might all put your hand up just to be nice and polite. Because it's the dumb thing, the set thing, right? We have to be like that. But if you were alone here and you were able to express your honest opinion, perhaps there may be a few at least in the audience that might go, no, Swaminas, I don't find that particularly attractive. It's not my type. And that's fair enough. You say that's not my type. It's not blue enough, one might say. It's not rosy enough, another might say. In fact, I like lilies, not amply, but I don't like anthropira, just look at them. Oh, ugly. Another might say. See, if pleasure was not in the video, I ask you the question: is it in the flowers then? But you'd still experience pleasure, don't you? You experience pleasure in life, and you also experience vexation in life. And the problem here is you attribute pleasure and vexation to the outside world. Therefore, you become victims of the things that happen around you. Don't you feel victimized? Just take a moment and you know, just consider, you know, a time in your life, perhaps it was this morning, maybe yesterday, maybe last week, you know, at work, maybe in your family, maybe among friends. Don't you feel victimized? What is this feeling of being victimized? Or at least feeling victimized. You feel that other people hurt you. You feel that other people are a threat to your happiness. You never felt like that? Of course. You feel that other people don't care enough about you. No? We are all like that. They don't appreciate me enough for all the things I do. See, we feel like that. They should appreciate me more. We feel like that. But all of these are feelings that we have. Because we feel, we we perceive the world in that way. Our perceptions are our perceptions alone, ladies and gentlemen. Sometimes you go walk up to someone like that and ask them, why do you not talk to me? Why don't we see eye to eye? Why are you keeping your distance from me? And sometimes the response they get is, no. I didn't have the slightest intention of doing so. Oh, all right, okay, so sorry, I must have misread you. See, we have our own perception about the world in which we live. And in our perception of the world in which we live, ladies and gentlemen, we always point our finger outwards. And we do it in two ways. One, we say, you make me unhappy, and then we say, you make me happy. In other words, you bring me vexation or pain, and you bring me pleasure or joy. So therefore, this world we can split into two, as we have done the audience today. Those who make me unhappy and those who make me happy. So there are those who we like and those who we dislike. In simple words, our friends and our enemies. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. That is why one day you say, get up, you can now sit on the other side. No? And vice versa. We didn't see eye to eye. I thought, you know, you had something against me, but I realized that it was just a mistake. I realized it was just a slip of a tongue. It's fine. You can get up and go and sit on the other side. If I asked you to make a list of your friends and enemies, couldn't you? Alright, let's not call them enemies because you'll say Swaminas, I don't have enemies. I'm a saint. I don't have any ease. Alright, fair enough. Would you not make a list of the people that you like and don't like so much? Huh? Honestly. Now let's let's get down to earth, right? Let's be real people. You don't have to pretend to be anybody here. Remember, it's just you and I. Okay? And if it's an embarrassing question, I'll never ask you to put your hand up unless it's a virtual race of hands. And then only you and I know that you've got your hand up. For example, put your hand up virtually if you got angry last week. Virtually. So I don't want to see and put see any hands going up. I just want a virtual race of hands which only you and I can see. Yeah? That's good enough for us. See, when you feel that your pleasure and your vexation comes from the outside. In other words, from other people, from other things, from other events, from occurrences, you feel victimized. Now, if I asked you, give me a story of a rough time in your life, I'm sure each and every one of you, if not at least most of you, will have a story to relate to it. You'll say, Saminansa, you know, there was a time when my cousin, right, and I, we just didn't get along. Or maybe it was my sister and I, we just didn't get involved. Or there was this friend from school, right? We were pars, we were friends, we were in fact best friends, but then, you know, we became a triangle. How so? An equilateral triangle. You know the song, right? When a third person enters, a special third person, and then you know, I test the relationship that I have with my friend. Or something like that happened. Or there was someone who insulted me. Can you still be insulted? Do you feel insulted? Not right now. You know, are you someone who can still be insulted? If you are, then you feel victimized. I don't want you to feel victimized. If I can find you in the middle of the street and I'll be hidden, I'll ask someone to come up to you and say, they look at you and go, hey fat so. If you feel insulted, something's wrong with you. If you are short, like say average, you're short, you're short for your age, someone, hey, shorty. And you feel insulted, you feel victimized. You don't need be, you don't need to be. The Dhamma will help you be free. Because when you feel victimized, do you feel that you've got to sort them out? Why do we have the courts? So you can go and sort them out. When someone does injustice to you, when someone is being unjust to you, you have the courts so you can go and sort them out. How about we sort ourselves out? How about you strengthen your mind, you fortify your mind so that you cannot be made angry? Wouldn't you like that? It's possible, it's doable, it's achievable. There are those who have achieved it. I want to help you do that. See, one button can ruin your day, can't it? Just think, you know, early morning, you're getting ready for work. Okay? There was this loose button on your shirt. You've been asking the wife to fix it, but you know, she said, Yeah, yeah, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. And today's the day that you have to wear that shirt. So today's Monday, and you have a shirt for Monday, there's a shirt for Tuesday, there's a shirt for Wednesday. So on Monday the button came off. So before Monday comes, the button should be fixed. You asked the wife to do it, and she said, Yes, I will. Weekend came and went, and now it's Monday. So you put on your shirt and the button has come loose. Now just take yourself into that situation mentally. And you have to leave on time because if you don't leave on time, you're gonna be late for work and you're gonna get stuck in traffic. Right? So the buttons, buttons come off, and now you're you're annoyed. Just think about all the things that will come out of your mouth at that time. All the things you'll have to say. Or maybe it's your shoelace, you tie it and it snaps. What do you hear you say at that time? I mean, geckos do that. You don't have to be human for that. But you know this happens to you. Or you're trying to zip something up and the zipper comes off. Been there, done that, you know the feeling? Yeah, you know the feeling. Or you open the tap and the water doesn't count. Or you go to get the shaving form and someone, the person who used it, has finished it and they didn't have the courtesy to replace it. Welcome to life, ladies and gentlemen. See how in these moments you feel victimized? You feel that you are the victim and people out there are out to get you. They're out there to bother you. And you ask this question: why can't you be a little bit more thoughtful? If the gas has run out, why did you have to wait for me to come and order it? Why couldn't you get it? If the hot water's run out, why did you have to wait for me to come and switch on the heater? If the cool water's run out, why did you have to wait for me to come and fill the bottle up and put it into the fridge? You know what I'm talking about. On a hot day and you walk out to the fridge, you open it, and you're looking forward to having that sip of cool water, and what do you see? A cool bottle without the water. You're familiar with this, I'm sure you are. This is life. Makes you annoyed. And how do you feel? Victimized. You feel you are a victim of circumstances, and then you go looking for the people who are responsible for that. This is how arguments happen at home. Because you feel you're victimized, you feel someone's doing this to you. What you are not able to see is things objectively. You subjectify things. Someone has done something to me. That is how you feel in these moments. It is all to do with the self. As we make progress on this journey, ladies and gentlemen, I will help you be free from yourself, not from anybody else, just from yourself. Because that is the demon. Yourself. You all feel that you exist, right? Right now? If I were to ask you to come up here and give us a speech, what is the first speech we've all given in our lives? What self? Myself, right? That's where we all start. Myself. You say, good morning, I am, and you give your name. And I am this old and you or this young. As you age, you begin to say, I'm this young, right? That's why it's worse, huh? Whatever floats your boat. Because when you're younger, you want to say, I'm six years old. But when you're 60, I'm 60 years young. That's alright, it's alright. Just carry on. It's fine. You know, whatever floats the boat, whatever keeps you happy, you know, it's fine. You know, after all, you know, that's what we're here for, to be happy, right? So if if you like the sound of you saying, I am this year's young, so be, because everyone else is saying, that old wretched woman, she's six years, sixty years old. And she still expects to be invited to the party. That's uh that's fine.

unknown 17:25

Right?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

So there, what has much to say? I am from so-and-so part, this part of the country, right? Or I live in this part of the world, or you might say, you know, my father's name is this, and this is what he does, this is my mother, and this is what she does, right? And this is my husband, this is my wife, these are my children, right? And you know, I I'll do this for a living. So you talk about whom? Yourself. Isn't this the self that is always victimized? See, when I ask you, what are some things that make you happy? I have to ask you that question specifically with the word you happy. I couldn't ask you this question, could I, for instance? What makes happy? You tell me immediately, Swaminas, that's grammatically incorrect. Semantically, syntactically, it's wrong, you'll tell me. Because Raminasa, you have to have someone in there. You'll tell me you have to have either you, me, he, she, we, they, you know, you've got to use one of these pronouns and put it in there. That's when the word, that's when the sentence makes sense. You can't just say what makes happy, you have to say what makes me happy, what makes you happy? Why so? Here's the reason. What makes you happy, sir, doesn't make you happy. If what makes you happy, madam, doesn't make you happy, then is it the thing that makes you happy? Is happiness something you can find in the outside world? If you can see the audience, which of course you can't because that is a special opportunity that I have, from this vantage point, I can see everyone. And I see people who've come from different walks of life. I see the young, I see the elderly. I see the pretty and I see the even more pretty. I see the well-to-do and I see the even more well-to-do. But in my life as a monk, right over the last what, six or so years, I've seen them all. I've seen the poor, I've seen the rich. From the peasants to the ministers, to the great kings, from the young to the old, to the black to the white, to the Asians to the Caucasians, I've seen them all. And that's the thing. I've had to see them all. In other words, they've all come to see me. By me, I don't mean me. I mean me. What does that tell us about life? If there are enough specimens for us to study, and they've all gone down different paths in life, and yet they all U-turn and come back here, what does that tell you about life? None of them have found it. On what? Happiness. None of them have found it. Why? Because they're all looking for it from the outside. They're looking for it. They're seeking it, they're searching for it. In the hope that one day they will encounter happiness. See, this is why when you watch that video, you are expecting the video to make you happy. In fact, in those brief moments where you actually got to see some footage, you did experience happiness, didn't you? Yes. What I want to propose to you today, ladies and gentlemen, so that we can continue this conversation as we now start getting deeper into the ocean of the Dhamma, is that there's a difference between happiness that I speak of and the happiness that you speak of. These two things are worlds apart. We all speak of happiness, but we're not talking about the same thing. It's the same word, but means very different things.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Thank you for joining us on the Art of Being Happy from Chaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery. May today's wisdom bring you peace and joy in your daily life. We'd love to hear how these talks have touched your life. Share your experiences with us on Plus nine one six three six one eight zero three three seven one. Until next time, may you find happiness in each present moment. Brought to you by Sanatanavani, the Voice Eternal.